An open letter about Fibrmyalgia Fog
© Barb Briley
Feb 6, 2002
Published Febuary 6 2002 Suite 101
Open letters of a fibromyalgia patient, Fibro Fog
Real large and with mistakes, please realize that all the grammar spelling etc has been left to remind you that Barb suffers also with this dreaded disease.
As a person who conquered my pain. I found my life devastated by fog and memory loss. None of you are alone on this one. I know some of us have worse pain, others worse fog.
I struggled with this in fear for years before my current DX. My mother had severe fog and I was scared. I wanted to find out if it was genetic brain damage or inherited stupidity. I found out it was neither.
Fog has been my greatest monster to deal with. Someone said a few days ago that celexa helped their fog some. It seems to be an option.
7 years ago when my fog became so severe that my doctor and family were afraid I would wander into the woods and get lost I was depressed and yes gang... suicidal. It was a battle to stay on this planet willingly.
I lost so much during those years. My writing was the first to go. From there my cognitive reasoning, memory and ability to cook from memory, clean properly, and care for myself. I lost my self respect, pride and gained a lot of humility I didn't want. I was devastated and hiding it well.
It was hard for me to accept this and to learn to adjust. I have adjusted. I am not going to say I don't have fog that I don't struggle with it.
It is still my biggest monster. My pregnancy with my daughter woke me up. I HAD to do something. I couldn't stay the way I was. I went into counseling and reached out to the internet to help others conquer their pain. I have a good life now but it is still foggy. I have a saying. I recognise my fog but its a lot to accept and swallow at 34... it doesn't go down well and I still choke on it from time to time. When it comes to my fog I am stubborn and unwilling to surrender.
I still am not sure if thats good but it has driven me to find ways to cope. I can't say that you can return to graduate school at this point, however with your FMS maybe your school would make some special acceptions.
I have slowly pieced my life back together I am living a new more fulfilling life. I am basicly happy and pain free, however I flare on the best days I can be so fatigued I feel as if I can't move and on other days I have pain flares. I won't ever work again and I still struggle with my monster everday... but so do amputee's. You can slowly build a new memory system.
It was horrible when I first started then I realized something. Memory coping techniques are just like a cane or wheelchair. They are there to help you regain your life not smother it. Use them! If it takes a system that includes a carefully written schedule taped to the bathroom mirror, use it!
By using aides, gadgets, scooters, wheelchairs, message boards, pens, paper calendars, and computers parts of our lives can be regained. Make a new life fight for it and don't surrender. I have my writing back. My boyfriend is an incredible editor and I love him for it. But.. :) I still forget to shower all the time so when I remember it I do it right away.
Its life with fibromyalgia and fog and lets live it to our best!